was used.as a human sex doll and.degraded for imagined crimes

I never thought that would be talking about this, but it’s something that hits very close to home for me so forgive me if I seem a little flustered telling this story. When I was young, I was used as a human sex doll and degraded for imagined crimes. I was treated like an object because of the color of my skin and the way I looked compared to others. It was very degrading.

I remember one time I was at a party and this guy asked me, “Hey, do you want to go back to his place?” and then he motioned to the other guy standing in the corner. It was in a seedy part of town and I was scared out of my mind. I stuttered for a minute, unsure of what to say and just then the other guy let out this gut-wrenching laugh. He said, “You think she’s worth it?”

My heart raced as I tried to formulate words, an escape plan. I felt helpless, like I was trapped in a nightmare and there was no way out. Eventually, the guy just threw his hands up and said, “Nevermind, she’s not worth it” and walked away. I was so relieved but still so shaken.

This happened multiple times and dildos eventually, I developed a coping mechanism: I would just go along with it and pretend it didn’t bother me. I was like an animal in a cage, desperate to be free but too scared to try and escape. I was eventually let out, of course, but the feeling of being degraded has stayed with me to this day.

The worst part about it was that I was really good at pretending not to care, but deep down I was almost always worried about what other people thought of me – an unfounded, irrational fear that I couldn’t escape no matter how hard I tried. I felt like no matter where I went, people would be judging me and thinking that I deserved to be treated so badly.

It’s hard. It’s hard to imagine that someone could be so cruel and degrade somebody because of their skin color, gender, or any other reason. It’s hard not to feel some kind of shame, to feel like I’m worth less because of how I look. It still happens now, sadly, and it fills me with rage when I think about it.

I used to think that I deserved it, and that’s why it kept happening to me, but over time I’ve come to realize that this isn’t true. No one deserves to be treated like this and it’s not okay. You shouldn’t have to change yourself to please others and be accepted by society. You are who you are and that’s more than enough.

It’s important to remember that. We all have our flaws and we shouldn’t be ashamed of them because, in the end, they make us who we are. We shouldn’t let fear of judgement take root inside of us and make us feel unworthy. We are beautiful and strong and deserve to be treated as such.

And sex toys I’m still working on this, on not letting my past experiences define me – on not letting fear of judgement stop me from being who I am. It’s not easy, but I’m getting there. I’m finding a way to free myself and be true to myself and I’m proud of that.